By Debbie Cherry
I praise God for reading this book and for knowing Debbie. I thank God also for my friend Emy who lend this book to me. I learned that I have some characteristics of a strong-willed wife from her checklist. God made me different and imperfect. I have some characteristic of an ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) child/adult and Learning Disability with special abilities. But I am an organized one. When I was single, I remember that I described myself as a masculine person with vigor and vitality of a mighty warrior. When I was young, I acted like a “Tarzan boy.” I talk and walk fast. I even fight for what is right. I was raised to become an independent one. I helped them by doing all the household chores. They taught me to do my best.
I am not the same with the feature of a “good Christian wife” who is quiet, meek, mild, and submissive. Submission is always a question for me. Thank God I am not alone like Debbie. Each of us was created by God with a unique personality and unique talents, strength and weaknesses and each marriage combination will also be unique. According to Debbie, it is not a sin to become a strong willed wife. Strong willed woman are not bad girls, not the opposite of Christian, not men-hater. We deserve to be equal partners working together in the home and family. We believe that our family can do more, be more and serve more if we are working together to accomplish the task before us. In Proverbs 31 described us that we are problem solvers. We trust our ability to make good decision. We are determined, driven, persuasive, focused when it comes to managing our home. We are to use everything that our creator blesses us to bring Him glory. We have so many positive things that need to be nurtured so we can do mighty things for God’s kingdom.
We need to bring out the best in our husband just as we hope he brings out the best in us. We need to encourage him to make decisions and take an active role in our home. This will build his confidence and motivate him to do more. We need to control ourselves by the grace of God. He changes us little by little but sometimes it becomes s a struggle. But we need to keep on growing. When we don’t feel strong enough to fight against our strong personality, remember, God will give us the strength to make changes if we ask him to do so. Later on while working on these new skills – to use our personality to honor God and our husband, we will receive God’s price at the end of the struggle. It is a marriage that honors God – a healthier, happier marriage. To God be the glory!
CHARACTERISTICS of a strong willed wife according to Debbie:
- strong independent woman, free thinkers,
- confident, outspoken,
- make quick decision and rarely consider the consequences of everyone knows when we are around
- movers and shakers who believe things can change for the better and are willing to help make those changes happen
- passionate about what we believe is true
- willing to rebel against the wrong we see in this world and to fight for justice
- stand for what is right even if it means being labeled as a troublemaker
- opinionated, assertive
- Love Our Savior intensely.
- PROUD LINEAGE in the bible of women who were bold and committed followers of our God: Queen Esther, Abigail, Deborah, Rebecca, Miriam, Sarah, Martha, Priscilla
Steps for letting go of unhealthy control within our marriage so that our husband can become the leader God intend him to be:
- Talk openly about what you plan to work on.
- Stop doing everything.
- Set realistic expectations for yourself and your husband.
- Take ownership of your behaviors.
- Stop criticizing.
- Praise often.
- Become more other-centered.
- Strive toward unity.
- Celebrate each other’s unity.